Preparation for First Movement Session

This sketch documents my rough ideas the night before my first filming session.


Medium: #2 Pencil


The morning of the drawing: I was intimidated to go back into the studio. I had anxiety. I gave myself a pep speech. In essence, it said, get over yourself.

The night before the drawing: I was slightly less or slightly more or both at various times still intimidated. I drank wine and smoked cigarettes (in moderation). I read through my notes, listened to the voice recordings I had so far, leafed through my journal, and re-read, and re-listened, and re-looked, and re-drank, and re-smoked...

Three years before the drawing: Bilateral hip injury propells me to redirect focus from body maintenance (specifically the intense maintenance required to dance professionally) to mind maintenance. The pain stopped movement, breath.

Three years before the drawing to six months before the drawing: So I took very small steps. After all, I, like so many artists, was uninsured. Marriage cured that, but not the steps. Needles and dye...deep tissue massage...cortizone...into the acetabulum...I still took small steps.

Jump forward to September 2006. I did not jump yet, but time did. Still insured. Still married. Still blocked in the joints. But diagnosed. Now foggy, like I was living behind a scrim, and voices were filtered for maximum audio distortion. i.e., meds.

Jump forward to February 2007. I did not jump yet, but regulated, separated, sounds and thoughts are normalizing, not yet normal, but I still haven't found an adequate definition of normal.

Jump forward to March 2007. I did not, but I assume you can and I can't. I'm procrastinating going into the studio. The HDcamera hasn't arrived. Postone 1 day, another, and another.

Jump forward to April 2007. The camera arrives, and now what? What do I have to say with my body? Can it still speak?